Two years ago, August 2012, I was finally given the status of “Cancer Free”. Two years ago, I was set free from the battle of a lifetime. Two years ago, I could press 'play' on a life that had been on pause for 6 months. No more days in the hospital, no more chemo infusions, no more days upon days of not being able to touch my own children. I could start taking steps toward healing...and boy it was and is a long road to walk down. But I am so glad that I get to walk down it and work on life after cancer.

That is so hard for me to wrap my head around. It has only been two years since I walked off of that battlefield. I still can't believe it all actually happened. Choriocarcinoma is a rarity, and trust me, you never want to have a rarity when it comes to your own health.

It was a very difficult and scary time for my family. During my entire battle, the outcome was uncertain. I knew that either way I would win.... if I lived I would get to be here for my husband and children which was my deepest desire. If I did not live, I would be in the arms of Jesus. Either way I felt a sense of victory. Still, I wanted more than anything to raise my babies and soak up this life. I am thankful in ways that I cannot even describe that I was healed.

That being said, I wanted to mention something.

CANCER IS COMPLICATED.


There is no guidebook on how to be a survivor. There is no step by step process on how to live your life after cancer and swallow your daily fear of it returning, and keep your chin up as you deal with the daily side effects of chemo. Harder still, there is no easy way to talk about cancer... many survive but far too many do not survive their struggle. This illness touches the vast majority of people and as I sit here as a survivor, I feel a deep sense of respect, empathy, love, and sympathy for those whose loved ones died from cancer. As a survivor, it is often hard to know what to say and there definitely is such thing as survivor guilt. I do not attempt to understand why I lived while others die. I appreciate that my human mind cannot possibly understand the depth of that. I know God is present in everyone's circumstance, and I trust Him and pray for peace and comfort for myself and all other touched by this worldly illness.

Praise be to God that I sit in front of this computer screen tearfully reflecting on my battle, and joyfully and humbly thinking of all of the things I have experienced since then. Two years is something to celebrate. I am so thankful for each person who touched my life and the lives of my family members during the past 2+ years. God is so good and trust-worthy. Thanks for reading! Below is a few photos of when I had cancer, when I was finally free, one year later, and now. Sometimes I look back a pictures in awe of it all. Thank you Jesus!

The beginning

 Right after diagnosis. They had to go ahead and but off my hair in the hospital.

One Year Later

 Two Years Later